What is that secret ingredient that keeps couples holding hands long after others have dropped? How do we ensure our marriage makes it to the rocking chairs?
Before we can figure out how to offer grace in our marriages – in the big moments and in the little moments – we must take the time to meditate on the grace of God.
God has us all on a different path. We are all on a journey toward refinement, but our hearts all have different layers of sin that need to be pulled back.
We’re not blind to other people’s weaknesses, we are blind to our own. If we are to grow more like Christ, we must take to heart the things people see in us that we can’t see.
Grace in marriage begins here. It begins with the acknowledgement that the problem isn’t what’s happening outside of me, it’s what’s happening inside of me.
If you want to know the true joy of a peaceful marriage, then you need to humble yourself. Stop looking at the sins of your spouse and take the time to look into your own heart.
If you are struggling in your marriage, perhaps it’s because God has allowed the conflict to reveal your sin. Know this—God chose your spouse specifically for you. He allowed the marriage because He has a plan in it for you.
We can still experience that peace and comfort when we are in the depths of a deep trial. Though our journey may be hard, suffering is absent if we are experiencing the joy that comes from being in the center of God’s will.
Understanding the root of our behavior is understanding the motives in our hearts. We need to spend time looking beneath that surface sin and pull at the weed under it until we uncover the motive behind it.
We think we understand, but we have such a limited perspective. God sees the big picture, and He promises to work all things out for the good of those who love Him.
The God who created this great vast and beautiful universe doesn’t make mistakes, and He didn’t make a mistake when He allowed this marriage into your life.
When the Spirit fills us, our hearts become soft toward those around us, and our desire is to bring them goodness increases. Kindness expressed in action is goodness.
When God reminds us in scripture about forgiveness, He almost always reminds us to consider the big picture, so this should be where we start. We forgive because we have been forgiven.
Forgiveness does not need to involve the other person. Forgiveness is something that happens in your heart as a work of the Spirit regardless of how the other person responds. When you make the choice to forgive
God’s number one priority is that all people would come to know Jesus as their Savior. We should be operating as if that is our number one priority as well—in our offices, in our neighborhoods, most especially in our homes.
Sin causes us to be self-absorbed and self-focused because it causes us to live for ourselves. The hope for our relationships is not found in us, or in that other person changing, the hope is found in God’s grace.
Being in a right relationship with God means we are content with our circumstances. We are able to find rest in Him, and the peace we feel flows into our circumstances and relationships.
If we’re going to get ahead of the conflict in our marriages, it’s important to recognize the treasure war that’s raging in our heart, and consequently organizing our life.
If your marriage is struggling, get the Bible open and get your eyes off the moment. The best counseling advice you can get is in those pages—they remind us it’s not all about us, but there is a much bigger battle going on around us than what we can see.
As children of God, we are to be the most loving people that the people in our lives know. Would your spouse describe you as the most loving person that they know?
Until we have let go of the hurt that our spouse has caused us, we simply cannot genuinely put their needs before our own. Forgiveness of those deep hurts happen only through the intervention of the Spirit.
Being humble is not something we can do in our own power—not consistently, not with sincerity. We need the power of the Holy Spirit at work in us to truly be able to demonstrate a humble attitude.
Meekness is in direct opposition to what the world teaches, and what our inner heart desires when responding, but it is what God calls us to do when we are loving one another.
Patiently loving our spouses means we pour out grace instead of harsh comments, it means we show lovingkindness rather than indifference, it means we offer forgiveness in place of judgment.
Bearing with others is not natural for us as humans. It’s natural for us to point fingers and judge. Grace suspends that judgment and instead chooses to step into the battle for your spouse.
We can’t forgive until we see our spouse’s heart the way God sees them, and we can’t see their heart until we take the time to invest in knowing them deeply.
We demonstrate love for our spouses when we put their needs before our own, and when we love until the end. Love is thinking about what the other person needs, it’s thinking about what would bless them even when they’re difficult, even when we’re hurting.
Love is demonstrated when we absorb the injury, and weaknesses are illuminated most when love is demonstrated. Just as Jesus loved us and transformed our hearts, you can choose to love your spouse to change.
Biblical love does not consider what the other person deserves, and it doesn’t demand reciprocation. Biblical love doesn’t keep a scorecard of his wrongs and my rights.
God calls us to be compassionate, kind, patient, humble and loving people to the world. The gap between who we are and who we are called to be is why unbelievers consider us hypocrites.
It is the work of the Spirit that increases our gentleness and our patience, that allows us to think of the others needs before our own, that prompts us to serve the other person.
If you want to breathe life back into your marriage, take some time alone with God today and ask Him to reveal where you have fallen short of His glory, where you need to confess your sin. Lay it down and let Him break you over it, then leave it at His feet.
It’s in the pain that God will meet you and draw you close because it’s in the pain that your heart will be exposed. It’s only in your deepest, darkest, most difficult moments that you will discover what’s most important to you.
When we quench the Spirit in our marriage, He gets quieter and quieter, and we suddenly find ourselves out in the wilderness, wondering how we got there. There are signposts along the way, my friends. Pay attention.
If the very same Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead lives inside of me, why do I continue to struggle? If the very thing that defines love, joy, and peace lives inside of me, why do I continue to live with heartache and with conflict in my marriage?
It is only through the work of the Spirit living in us that we are able to realize a sustained change in our behavior. When we yield to the Spirit, we see responses that are gentle and patient, that are kind and loving, that are forgiving and full of grace.
Scripture tells us if we are going to win the battle between what our flesh wants and what the Spirit desires to do in us, then we need to lean in and figure out how to allow this Warrior to own our hearts.
When we choose to walk by the Spirit in our marriages, we will not gratify the desires of the flesh. The desires of the Spirit are against the desires of the flesh. They are opposed to each other.
Many of us find His peace and His strength in the quiet times we spend in His Word or prayer or we feel it when we’re sitting in service, but then as we move through our day or our week, we feel the peace and strength being chipped away. What happens to that great feeling?
If we are going to change our behavior and our responses in our marriages, then we need to start with our minds. We have to capture our thinking and make those thoughts obedient to Christ.
When our minds are set on the things of the world, we quiet the voice of the Spirit, and the world dictates our responses. We will justify why we do and say things according to the world’s standards rather than God’s standards.
The reality is what we set our minds on determines life or death. Our emotions are governed in large measure by what we consider; what we dwell on determines our mood.
Our peace is determined by what we set our minds on. It’s not what’s happening to us that destroys our peace. It’s our thoughts about what’s happening that wreck us.
As believers, we cannot trust reason more than we trust God, we cannot reject His truth when it doesn’t make sense to us. We must accept there will be mysteries that will never be solved in our lifetime.
We are told in scripture they will know us by our love. We are to be the most loving people that the people in our lives know. Would your spouse consider you to be the most loving person they know?
Scripture tells us joy is the supernatural delight in the person, purposes, and people of God. Notice the key word ‘supernatural’—this means we cannot generate our own joy, only God can.
We grow His Spirit by doing those things He calls us to do—spending time in the Word and in prayer, serving others, meeting with other believers in church and small group, storing His Word in our hearts. When we do these things, our fruits, or behaviors, will naturally change.
When you notice the peace has been disrupted in your marriage, don’t ignore it or walk away from it. Pause and pray. Ask God to reveal to you where you need to confess and where you need to forgive, then ask Him to restore your relationship. He will.
Kindness is a tender heart and a nurturing spirit. When the Spirit fills us, our hearts become soft toward our spouses, and our desire is to bring them goodness.
Faith is believing the Word of God and acting on it no matter how we feel. We must choose to obey God even when we don’t feel like obeying. If we allow our emotions to dictate our response, we remain on the roller-coaster of life. We have to learn to obey His commands despite how we feel.
In order to allow the Holy Spirit to fill our souls with gentleness, we not only need to stop fighting God’s plan and submit our will for His will, we need to confess our desire to take control of our spouses, of our marriages, of our agendas.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 ESV The final fruit of the Spirit in this list is self-control. Self-control is stopping. It is literally standing in the way of our enemies having a hold on us. There are so many things in this world fighting against us—other people, our culture, our own flesh, and even Satan… Continue Reading →
We were never meant to live with the stress we allow in our lives—we weren’t created to physically endure the stress. God tells us over and over to not worry or to not be anxious in Scripture because He knows the damage it will cause.
So much of our anxiety comes from our unwillingness to be reasonable or gentle. We get stuck on things that HAVE to be “this” way to be good, and our blood pressure rises when our spouse insists on having it their way. What if you just let your expectations go and trusted that God is in charge?
How much peace would enter our souls if we just released our white-knuckle grip on what should happen tomorrow, next week, or next year and trust that God is in control?
Stop taking on responsibility that isn’t yours. Anxiety fails to acknowledge that God is sovereign over your life. You are not sovereign over your life. You cannot control the future. Only God can.
If we want to defeat the paralyzing fears, or we want freedom from the havoc that anxiety has brought into our lives—addiction, health issues, relationship strife—then we need to be in prayer. In everything.
The promise of peace is for everyone, not a select few who are blessed or strong. God wants us all to live in freedom, but we have to grab a hold of the peace. He lays it all out for us, but it’s up to us to put it into action.
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. It doesn’t same He came to fix our situation or make things easy for us, it doesn’t say He came to manage things the way we want, it says He came to give us His peace.
Contentment is simply an acceptance of our situation. It doesn’t mean things have to be the way I want them to be, it doesn’t mean I have to even like my situation, but it does mean I have to be satisfied with my circumstances—at least for now.
God’s greatest focus is not our comfort. He is not working to make our lives easier or happier for us. No, God’s greatest concern is that every knee shall bow to Him, and that He is glorified.
distractions—that’s what the world gives us. And it can be so noisy. While God wants to set our minds on Him, the world draws our attention away. We know we should set our minds on Him in order to find the peace that surpasses all understanding, but we often choose to dwell on the suffering of this world.
The truth is God loves you and He is for you. The truth is God promises to protect you, to be your refuge and your safe haven. The truth is none of this is taking God by surprise.
Satan knows that questions fill our mind and heart with chaos, and he’s at the ready to tempt us every single time. When the peace is destroyed in our minds, the peace is destroyed in our marriages.
When the peace is disrupted in our minds, it’s disrupted in our marriages. We are called to be peacemakers—part of that responsibility includes helping our spouses find and keep His peace.
As believers, we cannot trust reason more than we trust God, we do not reject His truth when it doesn’t make sense to us, and we accept that there will be mysteries that will never be solved in our lifetime.
The reality is that if God created us, we fall under His authority. He is the author and perfecter of our faith, and He is sovereign over every circumstance in our lives.
We are to go to Him when we are exhausted. He offers the kind of rest we can only know in His presence. It’s a beautiful, sweet kind of rest that is only found in His presence.
Sometimes God lets us feel the weight of the burdens we create to show us we are carrying things wrongly. Those burdens leave us overwhelmed and exhausted, but He invites us into His rest.
Jesus invites us to come to Him to find rest from the weight of our burdens. He wants us know the supernatural peace we can find—in our marriages and in the chaotic world in which we live.
What if we were to completely change our expectations, and no longer look to another person to fulfill our need, but simply as an opportunity for us to show God’s love?
If we want the kind of rest that is lasting, the kind of peace that Jesus offers, we need to get the focus off of ourselves and spend our energy serving others.
What would it look like in your marriage if you intentionally chose time to rest? What blessings would come to your lives if you declared a specific time every day to rest in Him?
God knows we need to step away from the chaos of the world on a very regular basis and spend time with Him, because He is the One who refreshes and renews our souls.
God isn’t our genie in a bottle and His “good” is not your happiness. The good He’s after is to grow us to be more like Christ. His love is a perfecting love, not a pampering love.
Have you ever looked at another marriage and wondered how they can remain so strong as they endure difficult trials? How can they keep going with everything going on in their lives?
Our trials are only our trials as a result of how we respond to them…in other words, when we don’t have peace and rest about the situation, that’s when it becomes a trial. When we don’t trust or we don’t wait, chaos takes over.
Holding on to God’s promises is the closest we get to actually holding on to God. His promises come from a great God, they’re about great issues, they respond to our greatest concerns, and God always delivers on them in the greatest of ways.
Our God loves us so much that He has allowed difficult trials into our lives for a very specific purpose. We have to remember that God’s will for unbelievers is that every knee shall bow to Him, and His will for believers is our sanctification.
