With my voice I cry out to the Lord; with my voice I plead for mercy to the Lord. I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him. When my spirit faints within me, you know my way!Psalm 142:1-3 ESV
God wants us to cry out to Him with our troubles. He wants us to tell Him exactly what it feels like to struggle in our marriage. Further down in this psalm, David cries out, “no one cares for my soul.” We’ve all been in that place in our marriages, the place where we feel like our spouse doesn’t care for us. Whatever the reason they chose to make us feel uncared for, whatever the circumstance that leaves us in a place where we feel alone, God wants us to turn to Him. He doesn’t want us to take it out on our spouses, or worse—share our complaints with someone outside of our marriage. He wants us to remember despite how things may look or feel in this moment, He has made us some great promises. He has promised us that someday these troubles will no longer bring us sorrow. He wants us to understand what David understood further down in this psalm, that God “deals bountifully with me.”
David wrote this psalm when he was in a cave running and hiding from King Saul, who was trying to kill him. He felt trapped and alone. There may be days where you feel the same in your marriage—trapped an alone. David doesn’t deny how he feels, instead he acknowledges his feelings. But he doesn’t do it in the flesh. Our flesh wants to respond when we’ve been hurt, when we feel abandoned or dismissed, when we feel wronged or sinned against. What is your flesh response when you’ve been hurt? Pride? Maybe you just shut down and think you’re right. Anger? Perhaps you scream hurtful words in response? Despair? Withdrawal? These are the ways our flesh craves for us to respond in the face of a hurtful injustice. We want to give them what they deserve. Some of us turn to the comforts of this world as a fleshly response—we want people or substances to comfort us in our pain.
But this isn’t how David responded. David calls out to the Lord—out loud. This is how we are to respond when we’ve been hurt. We are to raise our voices to God and tell Him of our troubles. He wants us to be raw and real, and He wants it to be out loud in fervent prayer. When your spouse hurts you with words or actions, when the pain is real, get on your knees and plead for mercy. Ask God for compassion and justice. Pour out your complaints to Him and tell Him of your injury. Be specific, but be sincere. Own your part in the injury or your response. If you can’t see the part you need to own, then ask God to reveal it to you. He is faithful to show you the blind spot you cannot see when you seek Him. Then you submit it to the Lord. You give it to Him to solve, and you stand down.
You don’t stand down by withdrawing to your corner and retreating in silence, you step back into the relationship and watch the God of justice and reconciliation, the God of unity and restoration, resolve the issue for you. He will. Pour out your complaints to Him with humility, and He will deal bountifully with you.
Press on ~ you are loved 💗